Practical Definitions

Atom Bomb: An invention made to end all inventions.

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Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

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Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

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Classic: A book which people praises, but do not read.

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College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

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Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

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Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

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Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

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Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

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Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

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Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

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Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually looks forward to the trip.

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Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

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Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

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Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

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Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

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Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

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Father: A banker provided by nature.

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Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing

through "the minds of either".

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Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

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Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master.

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Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

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Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

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Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

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Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

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Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

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Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

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Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

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Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

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Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine waterpower.

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Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.